I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
