i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
