but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
