apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
