yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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