Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
