So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
