he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Did I show you my penis last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
