It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need to sanitize my soul.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
