i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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