so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
