just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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