It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
