When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
