I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
