I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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