what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
