maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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