Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
