There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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