Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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