don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
