sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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