Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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