WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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