Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
