Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Help. Why am I so naked?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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