proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let's get the cat blown out
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
