i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
