um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
