do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
