We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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