So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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