I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
