I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
