I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
