I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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