i just wanna soil my oats bro
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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