Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
