The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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