Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
