I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
