There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You don't make any sense
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