drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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