he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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