Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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