At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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