in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
