Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
