Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
