He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
