so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
