summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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